While Labour have been glossing up the fact that they have just secured a Free Trade Agreement with the biggest economy in the world, the DAFT Party have not been sitting idly by. DAFT trade negotiators have been petitioning governments the world over, and we are quietly confident that we have secured a FTA* with a player, that is even more important to NZ than China ever will be.

The DAFT party has trying to nut out an agreement with the King of Lovely, Danny Wallace. It is hoped that an FTA* with Lovely would be lovely for both parties. Spokesperson for Vice, Jules Van Cruysen, said he is “quietly confident that we can pull this shit off,” over a quiet wine yesterday. “The real problem is getting them recognised as a viable FTA* partner.”

Any future DAFT government of New Zealand would immediately recognise Lovely as an independent sovereign state, and invite King Wallace, to NZ. A DAFT ruled NZ would have many ideological similarities to Lovely, and cross cultural interchange would be encouraged.

Possible outline of an FTA* between NZ and Lovely

  • Free shipping of beer, sex toys, and other such viceful products.
  • Special Gold Card for all Lovely, tourists which would give them special benefits; such as discounts at all state owned vice outlets, priority
  • Free accommodation for all NZ’ers on their OE, in all Lovely territory and embassies.

Other possibilities are under discussion, and are top secret and confidential. The FTA* is guaranteed to be a positive step in the relations of both countries, which have been up until recently frigid, with no Lovely embassy yet established in NZ.

DAFT is also attempting to enter negotiations with the President of Whangamomona, Murt Kennard. Whangamomona have an unofficial FTA* agreement with the NZ government, every year putting on a festival where foreigners flock to the locality and have a fun time. Citizens of both countries are allowed to cross borders without passports, and trade is totally free.

Other countries that DAFT is actively pursuing FTA*’s with, are Principality of Hutt River, the Dominion of Melchizedek, and Other World Kingdom.

We are currently looking for more DAFT International Commerce Konstables (DICKs) to help out with our trade negotiations, please apply in writing to the party email, or join on the Facebook group.


*Please note in this instance, FTA stands for Fun Times Agreement.


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