Archive for January, 2008

The First Wave of Publicity

January 30, 2008

Today David Farrar posted on his blog about us. This spiked the number of visits to this page by about 1000%. One other thing became apparent is that most people who comment on David’s blog have little to no sense of humour. To those who do thanks for coming on here, and I urge you to join the party.

 Some feedback from your comments:

Chandler Frank: you have the opportunity to name the party by placing a bid on the right to name it. Simply click this link.

 PDM: Outlawing the Duckworth Lewis Scoring sytem will be discussed at the next policy meeting.

 Duckworth and Lewis

 

 

 

 

Fig. #678: Cricket fans everywhere point their shot guns at the most hated rule makers in International cricket. 

  

KevOB Says:
“The promotion of homosexuality is not funny. I have never met a gay homosexual yet.
This is a party we can do without.”

 In response to this, I am not sure what you mean by a ‘gay homosexual’, do you mean a homosexual that is happy. Have all the homosexuals you have met been self loathing perverts, or was that just your opinion of them? I’m really not sure.

PhilBest asks:

“Who d’ya reckon they’ll take the most votes off?”

I liked Rex Widerstrom’s thoughts on where our votes will come from. I would like to think that we will have an equal net impact on all parties total votes. I reckons we will also be popular with students, drug addicts, house wives, virgins, ex McGillicuddy members, homosexuals, people who want to smack their kids, pretty much a nice cross section of New Zealand society. I would like to think Copeland’s party is way too silly to vote for us. One thing we are aiming to do is to get more members than The Workers’ Party.

Thanks to all the people who liked our ideas. Please feel free to join our Facebook group, Bebo page, or if it really tickles your fancy subscribe to this blog.

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Congress!

January 29, 2008

So the congress went ok. Low turn out, but that was to be expected.

So here is what we came up with:

It was decided that we should auction off the right to name the Party on Tradme. Although if this is not successful it is most likely we will go with Aotearoa Nautical Alliance of Laughter, Peoples’ Independent Movement Party or Democratic Aotearoa Freedom Troop.

Most of the policies we discussed became interlocking brush strokes in an overall masterpiece for NZ.

One of the main Policies was turning the West Coast of the South Island into a homosexual holiday Mecca. We would shut down all mines, cease all logging and build massive gay spas, bars and amusement parts. This interlocks with our foreign policy of promoting homosexuality internationally to prevent further explosions in population. With more homosexuals in the world, and with Westport becoming a haven for homos, NZ will rake in the tourist dollars. CHA CHING!

This overlaps with our 0% personal tax policy. The Yet to be Named Silly Party of New Zealand, is dedicated to bringing about a tax situation where you as a consumer would pay NO personal tax. We would go about doing this by creating State Owned Enterprises and Quangos that would have a monopoly on vice. We would have state pornography websites, brothels, drugs, strip joints, poker dens, we would even bring back BZP.

Another way that a Yet to be Named Silly Party of NZ government would fund 0% personal tax would be to take all convicts and put them in a Survivor, no holds barred show. Think cross between Survivor, Jurrassic Park, Lost, and America’s Next Top Model. We would then distribute this world wide.

Another keystone of our policy will be introducing the Anti Anti Smacking Bill into Parliament. This would allow you to discipline your children if you have an NCEA, unit standard, or tertiary qualification in spanking. The YtbNNZSP also promises that if elected to power we will make crime a thing of the past by dropping crime rates to 0%*. Labour, National, The Reform Party have too long put up with crime. They have let it go on and on for over 150 years. New Zealand make the right choice and join the YtbNNZSP.

Other minor policies that feed into the Clyde Dam of the YtbNNZSP are as follows:

  • Crime: When they are not competing in the Survivor show we figure that convicts should be put to use doing all the jobs you don’t want to do. This will also feed into our 0% tax policy. We won’t need to hire private construction firms to build our prisons under our new initiative: “Prisoners Building Prisons, TODAY!” We also propose that all legal cases be solved with reference to Wikipedia. We would also institute a Power Rangers type police force.
  • Civil Society: Lets face it since the good old days when only land holding white men could vote, NZ has deteriorated (some even say that it reached its apogee before they got here and there was no enfranchisement whatsoever, but that’s another story). The YtbNNZSP promises that we will disenfranchise as many people as possible by only allowing people with IQ’s of under 60 to vote in general elections.
  • Aging Population: We plan to conscript all people who are currently retired into the armed forces. Also we would pass legislation that would making aging illegal. State-funded euthanasia of old people done with a Public-private euthanasia scheme (with arenas, lions and shit).
  • Increasing Living Standards: This part will guarantee that we will raise the average hourly wage. Allow people to spend less time at work, and provide more holiday leave. We propose 52 weeks paid annual leave per year, 18 years maternity leave, and spontaneous hang over leave. Also we would legislate against the dewy decimal system being used in libraries. All of these wonderful things would be achieved by decimalising time. (10 day weeks, 100 week years etc etc).
  • Welfare: A big deal in recent years has been made about parents having access to cheap day care. But what about those parents who aren’t so good at the whole parenting thing… We propose to have subsidised night care for those who would rather get intoxicated than spend time with little Timmy and Jilly. Also we would do away with these pesky laws that promote monogamous relationships by allowing shared parenting schemes (it takes a village to raise a child). State funded masturbation was also a topic that came up (da dum cha)
  • Foreign Policy: Since the early 1900’s NZ has had colonial dreams. We propose to annex Fiji, American Samoa, most of the South Pacific (including Australia). YtbNNZSP would also seek closer Economic Relations with Turkmenistan.
  • Immigration: All immigrants would be settled in Tauranga. A silly government would also encourage superheroes and mutants who use their powers for good to come to NZ. Just look at Spiderman and the X-Men, totally discriminated against by their governments. Come to NZ we offer you haven.
  • Other stuff in short: NZ would legislate to make Pluto a planet again, also we would claim it as NZ territory. State funded laser freckle removal and hair dying products for all gingers. The government would distribute free custard to all house holds. All Carbon emissions will be turned into diamonds and then distributed in lolly scramble fashion to the population at large.

Appointments
Jackson James Wood was appointed Leader of the party
David Farrar was  appointed a non party member Party Auditor, and
Ed Barker was appointed Party Secretary.

Name Auction
This can be accessed by going to this link

There is another meeting this weekend at the Southern Cross Garden Bar. It kicks off at 4:30 on Sunday. This time we will be discussing the constitution of the party.

Please feel free to drop me a line.

Congress

Fig. #56: Nicola Kean, Jackson Wood (Party Leader) and David Farrar (Party Auditor), discuss policy over a few beers.

*by revoking the Crimes Act (1961)

Hear Ye, Hear Ye: Southern Cross on Sunday!

January 23, 2008

We got there. In a little over one week we’re at 118 members. So we’re going to hold our Congress over light beverages at the Southern Cross Garden Bar, on Abel Smith Street, Wellington, New Zealand. If you are in the area drop on by and come join.

Shit we will be doing:

  • Deciding on the name.
  • Deciding on some core pricinples.
  • Deciding on membership.
  • Getting drunk as fuck.
hookah.jpg
(Fig. 4: This is Abdul. Abdul is not an enrolled voter in NZ. He is however very good at dancing.)
So hopefully we will have a good turn out.

Holla!

January 19, 2008

100 members in 7 days. Whooooooo weee. Its been quite a ride watching the number steadily grow day by day. So now its time to sit back and reflect on how easy it will be for us to seize power now.

The plan of action from here:

  1. Get Drunk
  2. Think up some cool shit for us to do
  3. Get more drunk
  4. Do the aforethought of cool shit.
  5. Establish a lasting political legacy.

PPL

(Fig. 3: The Yet to be Named Silly Party of New Zealand’s military wing, known only as The Mighty Pink Pantaloon Brigade, take Logan Brown on the corner of Vivian and Cuba.)

Anyways. There is sleep to be had, and stratagems to be dreamt of. Which reminds me of this dream I had the other night where blanket man murdered my family then tried to kill me with a nasty big syringe filled with a noxious looking green fluid…

As always feel free to drop us a line on here or on the Facebook page

Hasta La Vista

Inaugural Congress Just a Stone Throw Away

January 15, 2008

We’re almost at 50 members which means that we have to start thinking about our first party congress. I was thinking at a bar somewhere. I like bars. Maybe we could even con them into giving us cheap booze… write it off as a donation to a political party…. If you know any bars that would give us free booze for some publicity give me a message at nzsillypartyinthemaking@gmail.com.

We need somewhere largish so that our droves of hardcore supporters can come and the place also needs to be conducive to having a meeting of sorts.  Or someone’s house, and make it a BYO, hmmmmm the possibilities are endless. Alternatively we could just hold it in Cuba Mall.

An Artists Impression of the Yet to Be Named Silly Party of NZ’s Congress

(Fig. 2: An misogynist artists rendition of the first Yet to be named Silly Party of NZ. Note how even the women are portrayed as butch men in tights.
From left to right standing: Kate Newton, Jeremy Ward, Edmund Barker, Jason Aldous, Michael Devine, Paul Brannigan, Samara King,  Jenn Jones, Red Hendry, Stacey Knott, Nicola Kean, Sean Gillespie, Laura McQuillan, Cat McQuillan, Scott Joblin, Phillip Geenty.
Left to right seated: Steven Rivers,  Matthew Backhouse, Sarah Wilson, Greg Stevens, Teresa Buckthought, Stacey Hutchins, Matt Nippert.
Underneath the table: David Do, Samuel Page, Rowan McCaffery, David Traylor, Michelle Peglar, Rawa Karetai, Bernie Brown, Al Rhodes and Nick Radburn.
Camouflaged to fit in with the wallpaper: Tom Baragwanath, Kahiwa Sebire, Phillip Cornage and Eric Bliss
Out in the Corridor: Matt Scheurich, George Darroch, Kate Jordan,  Douglas Tereu, Renee Appleman, David Read and Jules Van Cruysen  Pretending to be a chair: Kristen Patterson.
Slightly out of shot: Charlotte Whitelaw.
Hiding in the teapot: Jackson Wood.

Sorry I didn’t post yesterday. I went for a run with some people and it was the first time in like about 6 months that I had attempted running. Needless to say I was a sweaty mess afterwards.

Hokay. Post ideas below or on the face book site.

Also check out some mandatory Silly Party viewing:

Monty Python – Election Night Special
North American Silly Party Homepage
Slightly Silly Party

One Day Down.

January 14, 2008

Wow. What a day.  Membership has jumped almost 500% (from 3 to 13).

Trends in Support for the Founding of a Silly Party in New Zealand

(Fig. 1: Support for the founding of a Silly Party in New Zealand is at an all time high.)

Most important thing for us now is to create an identity. Part of identity is the name we choose. on the Facebook site I have started a discussion thread for people to add in their ideas. I’d be keen to hear yours too if you’re not on Facebook just post it as a comment below.

We will shortly be organising the inaugural congress of the Yet to be named New Zealand Silly Party. This is most likely to take place at a bar, and  or other drinking establishment. Here we will elect the leaders, in a yet to be decided voting system (most likely pillow fighting, although this is open to change), decide on the name, and write up the Party Deconstitution.

Keep up the good work people. Invite all your friends onto the facebook page, or send them the link to kiwislog.

To infinity and beyond

497 To Go!

January 14, 2008

So I made the Facebook page last night, this blog last night, and we already have two other members. Big ups to them! You’ll be remembered as one of the founding fathers on a new era of NZ politics. Keep up the good work and recruit recruit. We need word of mouth to get this behemoth rolling.

The Start

January 13, 2008

It all started while sitting in Cuba mall, drunk, and raving about how NZ doesn’t have a Silly party.

                                                                   Plato - The Founding Father of Silly Politics

Yum cha was finished and dim sum was sitting nicely in our stomachs. The beer was flowing. Conditions were perfect for the formation of a political party. As the conversation twisted its path around in a circuitous route, the topic which had been on the top of my mind ejaculated from my mouth onto the consciousness of my friends. Amongst the jugs of Mac’s Spring Tide and Sassy Red an idea was born.

This is my little experiment into New Zealand politics and life. As a child I was fascinated by the McGillicuddy Serious Party. Hitting my teen years girls, my groinal region, and computers became way more fascinating and my infatuation with the kilt clad loonies faded. This was until I eventually completed my Bachelor of Arts in Political Science at Victoria University (a breeding ground for alcoholism). Me and my friends think it would be interesting and entertaining and worthwhile to start a genuine political party and bring back some of the humour into NZ politics. Too often have we been laughing at politicians who are acting seriously, this is cruel. We should be laughing with them, or putting them down, I’m not sure what our policy will be on that yet.

Anyhow that is the beginning. I then went home and made a Facebook page as the main point of contact (search New Zealand Silly Party in the Making). I have also set up an email address: nzsillypartyinthemaking@gmail.com to which you can send any enquires, spam, or rude pictures.

Hope to hear back from ya’ll soon.